Tuesday, February 24, 2009


I have to vent/bitch so sorry if post is longer than usual!

So I don't have any kids and this will be my first. In reality I think i could be cool being childless. I am 31 and i think i got scared because i was getting old so i decided this is the right time to bear a child, just one that is all.

So i really am not a child person, i wont abuse kids but i am not the one that just decides to go to the playground and interact with kids.

My husband to be has 2 kids from 2 different women. Now i am a cool person don't care about the past relationships but i do have to say if i interact with your kids we should at least speak. i mean i cant see me dropping my kids off to some strange women that i don't know. but one doesn't feel that way and refuses to speak to me. and by the way she is older than me. go figure.

Now one child resides with us and I take and pick up from school, go to sport practices with, go to parent and teacher conferences with, etc. I speak to his mother on the phone, we are cordial and i thought she was cool. Now in everything he does i say did you ask your mother to come see you play your game etc. etc. or did you call your mother today, etc.etc. now if he chooses not to what should i do. i even tell him not to call me momma cause I'm not and that he already has one.

me and his mother even had a conversation about it takes a village to raise a child, so i thought we were on the same page.

So she has him for the weekend and was going to take him to his practice. she calls my h2b (hubby 2 b) and asks him "why does the coach thinks Msflygirl is his mother instead of me."

What? first off i don't want your son at all........ second maybe if you take him to the game or practice or just be there and introduce yourself as such there would not be any confusions. i repeat i don't ever introduce myself as this childs mother. i might say STEP mother but usually i say my name.

I AM PISSED OFF. i feel like now i don't even want to be cool or cordial it makes me feel like she wants some type of drama. she is way older than me.

h2b and my friend stated that she maybe feeling guilty because she is not there. but don't take that shit out on me.

What do you guys think, mothers, non mothers, and men. how do i play this? it makes me standoffish from even having a relationship with the child. i think he told her that to manipulate her to feel guilty and be there more. but the boy is going to get an earful because all that does is bring drama.

And should i call and get the baby mama together.

H2B told her not to call him with the BS she knows who she is to him. i feel that but he thinks i am overreacting.


hotredsly said...

hey girl try to not let the situation stress you too much.The child maybe is looking for more attention from his mom ,that may be why he told her that.Pray about it and them do what you are lead to do.Remember that it is always best to deal with a our problem in a calm way and things usually work out for the best.

Anonymous said...

I agree w hotredsly DON'T LET THIS GET THE BEST OF YOU. In my opinion this is clearly the child & mother desperately seeking attention. Perhaps the mother could possibly want what you have, you know wish to be in your shoes. I say keep doing what your doing, being cordial, kill them w kindness, thats the worst. And you fiance honestly probably doesnt want the drama & dealing w it the best he can. This too shall pass.

Sha Boogie said...

don't even waste time thinking bout that woman! if she was there, wouldn't be no room for confusion, right?

my boo's daughter has asked more than once if i could be here mama ::blank stare::

Angel said...

You have your baby to think about, dont like your stepchild and his mum confuse anything

Deep breaths and let it go
She is just feeling guilty as she is not around!

Hope you are cool :)

Blah Blah Blah said...

First time here.
From the story you tell...I might be in agreement with your H2B...you may be over-reacting.
She has a legitimate right to inquire if it concerns her child. What she does with the info is on her but don't let her questions or reaction stop you from being apart of the childs life...after all, sort of hard if he lives with you.
Still continue to be cordial...I mean, anthing else and you'd just be petty. Always be who you are and don't let anyone determine who that is.

Hope all is better now.

Anonymous said...

I think you are a very strong woman for marrying someone who has two baby mommas first off...... But just take a deep breath and brush it off. You have your own child to worry about and you don't want drama or stress while you're pregnant.DD

ChoColAte KiSs said...

Dont let the child suffer because is mother wants to act like she is the child in the situation..or even the victim...Continue what you were doing prior...which i am sure you will anyway

Ms. Tee said...

Hey there...This is my first time reading your blog and I am glad I found you.

As for this situation, I can see your point, you are trying to be the Mommy in her absence but in no way want to make waves but it seems that you still are.

It's natural for the child to do what he did. My sons live with their father and when my younger son doesn't get his way, he throws in the whole "my stepmommy can do it for me" thing. It hurt so much the first time but after that I got over it because at the end of the day I know that he is hurting that I can not be there all the time.

One day he will grow up to understand...but today he is just a boy and he is hurting. If I could I would apologize and try to make him understand...but he is not ready for any of that yet. Just like with my Mom who never behaved the way I wanted or expected her to, I grew to understand and appreciate her for being who she is.

In this situation, just..keep doing what you are doing- loving him and his Dad and being a good influence.

Everyone will grow through this situation someday.


Ms. Tee

Sonya K. said...

I think the way you have acted shows your since of maturity, compassion for the child and their well-being, and the sincerity in the love you have for their father. I would continue to be nice to the child, and dismiss what the jealous mother is saying. She needs to be grateful that you are a kind-hearted person.

Sonya K. said...


The Intellectual Diva said...

How did this all play out? Are you going to do an update?

Kristen Renee' said...

(I know this Blog is old but I just got on BlogSpot and wanted to post a comment) Wow Gurl! Your situation is just like mine! My man is 10 yrs older than me and has 2 kids. The youngest lives with him and the older one lives with his mother.

Me and my man don't live together but I always see his younger one...basically whenever I see him (Which is a lot). The younger one's mom is NEVER around. Last year her ass didn't come see him for X-Mas (As well as not giving him shit)...didn't pick up the phone for Thanksgiving and he didn't call her for Mother's Day.

Kids are smart. He may feel more towards you than his mother because he always sees you.

My man's son knows his mother as well (He is 9) but if he ever feels that he wants to call me "mom" because he feels that way towards me I am def not going to tell him no. Because I KNOW I am a better mother than his...she has her other kids and maybe she thinks his father can handle him but he has only 1 real mother.

Both his mom and your future step-son's mom need to get on their P & Q's before they both get faded out the picture cause I def don't have a problem with that!

Have A Good One,

A Lady's Life said...

Well like the kids are being told today, you are lucky to have more than one set of parents. You have your Mama and Daddy and then the people they marry.
You get everything in two's, two birthdays two christmases etc..
Each being celebrated in another house.And if one parent isn't there, well you know...you don't have to be a biological Mom, to be looked at as a Mom (or a Dad). You need love and time to be together and interest and no matter who you are, this child, as all children, is a blessing. If the child wants you as a Mama, then let it have two Mamas so your own blood child in turn, can have a nice sister or brother who will love it.
It doesn't hurt you to be the bigger man. Good luck.You are not losing out here, but gaining strength.